Love Each Child

Watching Her Grow

by steve

As most of you know (since if you’re here, you’ve likely been following our story on this blog), we are currently waiting for the third attempt at a permanency hearing. But even though Hope Giver is not permanently placed with us yet, we still get opportunities to provide respite care with her in our home.

Today ended what was, to date, the longest respite experience we have had — a full week. Actually a little more than a week, because she came here Tuesday evening of last week and left this afternoon (Tuesday), so it was almost 8 full days.

It is amazing to me how comfortable she is in our home! I really think that this is starting to feel like a “second home” to her. In this — her fifth or sixth visit, I think…I’ve lost count — she seemed the most settled and comfortable. She has always seemed comfortable here, but now it’s like she really does consider this to be a “home”. And that’s really beautiful to see.

We’ve now known Hope Giver for three months. And it is really wonderful to see all the developments and achievements in that time. This is, of course, a time of rapid development for most children, and Hope Giver is no exception.

During this week, we observed a number of advancements in her that I thought I would highlight here.

Verbalization — She is verbalizing a lot more, especially advancing in imitating sounds that she hears. This is great for getting her to verbalize words that up until now she has communicated only in sign language. (No, she does not have any hearing difficulties. She is one of many children who have been taught some basic sign language at a very early age. This concept was new to me, but it shows just how capable a very young child can be of comprehension and communication.) Words that I heard for the first time from her on this visit were

• apple
• more
• banana (sort of)
• pear
• juice
• eat
• diaper
• bath

In addition to those words, she also is getting more verbal in her responses. Asking her if she wants something in particular often results in a “K” (for “ok”), or if she really, really wants it, “K, K” accompanied by an enthusiastic nod of the head.

Awareness of her own needs — This one blew me away. On many occasions, she has started telling us when her diaper needs changed. We sometimes use a portable pad (that rolls up and shuts with velcro when not used, and contains pockets for a package of wipes, extra diapers, etc.) to lay her on to change her diaper. One time, she went in our room, got that pad and brought it to us to let us know she needed her diaper changed!

Just this morning, she got into the package of diapers and tried to pull one out to let me know. And, like I mentioned above, she occasionally said the word “diaper”. I’m not an expert on parenting toddlers (by any stretch of the imagination…see my previous posts!), but that struck me as a pretty big step in her progress toward eventually being potty trained. Obviously, she eventually needs to be able to anticipate what might actually cause that diaper to need changed…

Accepting when it’s time to go to sleep — In the past, we have rocked her to sleep, and then when it was “safe”, put her in her crib. This visit, Christy decided to try a new approach, and we were amazed how well it worked.

When it was time either for a nap or for bedtime, we would let her have her pacifier (we started telling her that it was only for when she’s sleeping) and hold her for just a few minutes. Then, we would take her to the crib, lay her down in it, rub her back for a minute or two while telling her we loved her, and then leave the room.

Often she would cry when we stopped rubbing her back and left the room, but the crying would only last for 30 seconds to a couple of minutes at the very most. Then, she would go to sleep. And occasionally, she didn’t even cry at all!

The other day, it even went a step further. I finished feeding her lunch, and she pointed to where we were keeping her pacifier during the day. (We made no secret of where it’s kept, but just reiterate what it’s there for.) I said, “That’s only for your nap and bedtime.” Again, she pointed at it, so I said, “Do you want to take a nap?” She nodded and said, “K”.

So, I handed her the “paci” and started to head toward the rocking chair to hold her a bit. She pointed toward the bedroom. We changed direction and went to the bedroom, where she pointed to the crib. I set her down in the crib, whereupon she immediately laid down.

Now, this is the interesting part: When I left the room and turned on the baby monitor, I heard her for about 10 minutes talking and singing to herself in there before she fell asleep. She didn’t cry and didn’t go right to sleep, but she was content to be by herself in the crib until she was ready to go to sleep.

Yes, “our” little girl is growing up quite a bit. And while it was very hard (it gets harder each time) to let her go back to her foster family again today, we have this next weekend to look forward to. She’ll be coming back on Friday!

I love you, Hope Giver. Sleep well tonight, and I hope that memories of your “second home” are strong in your heart while you are not with us…